Yoga for Unexpected Change
Change
can really suck.
Unexpected change can amplify an already
uncomfortable experience to levels that seem impossible.
I know whereof I speak.
Many of you can probably relate when I say my
life has been a series of unanticipated changes.
For many years, I thought I was special in this.
That somehow, I, and perhaps my immediate family, had been earmarked by Fate to
receive a lion's share of daunting challenges without sufficient preparation.
Starting with cancer at 8 years old, I had all
the proof I needed that life was not going to play predictable or nice--so I
hunkered down to prepare for a lifetime of being the "one in a million
chance" of having unwelcome discomfort, illness, or tragedy befall me
without warning.
Sound dismal? It kind of was.
Being raised in a conservative Christian home, I
had Satan and sin to blame for the struggles and pain of being human, but that
did little to relieve me in the moment to moment experience of uncertainty,
facing my own mortality, and physical unpleasantness.
I wanted something that gave me a sense of
direction, peace, and purpose in the midst of encountering suffering that
exceeded my wildest expectations.
Now, somehow, I was also born with an insatiably
curious personality...and since I can remember, the question that always
obsessed me was, "What is TRUE?" If I knew that, I figured I could
handle whatever circumstances came my way. Even death itself would be alright
if I had that mystery sorted.
Much as I wanted the Christian framework to
provide those answers, I had to look beyond that singular lens to explore more
perspectives on What The Fuck Is REALLY Going On Here.
I explored subtle energy like Reiki and Qi Gong,
the meridian system, and healing touch. Looking for that connecting thread that
wove body and spirit together, that made sense of why and how change happens
and how we can relate to that in bodies.
As I continued to ask Why and How and What,
people and modalities showed up on my path, each offering a perspective of the
mystery that acted like a funnel which ultimately led me to yoga.
Now, I had a fairly typical introduction to yoga
as we know it in the West. A friend of mine in college presented me with Sun
Salutation A as a "new thing" he was trying out and I went along. I
did yoga in fields at sunrise, I stood in tree pose with fellow students in the
courtyard--I hauled my tired ass to hot yoga after a long day's work and sweat
away my stress.
While I did appreciate the physical acrobatics and unique
shapes asana offered, it always felt like there was something deeper I was only
scratching the surface of. Sure, I felt calmer afterwards, but I didn’t know
why and it didn’t feel replicable without the studio, music, and instructor.
Ten years after I started practicing yoga asana,
I took a yoga teacher training course as the result of another unexpected life
change. Lyme disease and Epstein-Barr left me completely drained of energy and
an immune system so I looked to yoga to build strength and focus. Yoga
philosophy presented the key to both.
I’m not going to say I had a complete “Aha!”
moment as we delved into Sanskrit and endless lists that seemed to be pointing
at something simple that was certainly not easy…but there was a recognition.
Kind of like seeing an “X” on a map written in a foreign language.
So for the next four years, I stirred the
proverbial pot, trying to distill the language of the Yoga Sutras and Bhagavad
Gita into a gem that would unlock the secret to living well in a human form,
regardless of what the winds of change blew in.
Here’s what I got:
Reality (that’s capital “R” reality-like
EVERYTHING that Is. Black holes, deities, annoying habits, runny noses, winning
lotto tickets, astrology) is made up of TWO ingredients. TWO.
There’s the stuff that changes and the stuff
that doesn’t.
The change-y stuff is everything that isn’t
Soul/Consciousness/Essence.
Of course these have fancy Sanskrit names, but
you don’t need to know them to make the Cookies of Life. You just have to know
that there are two pieces that make up the Big Puzzle.
Now, here’s where the part about navigating
unexpected change well comes into play.
The cause
of suffering comes from us thinking that Who We Are is made up of the stuff
that changes.
For example:
I am my body. Therefore, if it becomes ill, I am
broken and if it passes away, I cease to be.
OR
I am my job. Therefore, if I lose my job or
change my job, I no longer have worth or clear purpose.
In yoga philosophy, the unchanging part of us,
that which is peaceful, unified, eternal, and loving, infuses the changeable
world like electricity infuses the filament in a light bulb and causes it to
glow. The electricity is not the light bulb and the light bulb is not the
electricity…rather, the bulb is a vehicle for the current to manifest itself
through.
Take a minute with that.
You HAVE experiences that are pleasant and
unpleasant, but you ARE NOT only these experiences.
You, the unchangeable ingredient, is peace, love
and pure consciousness.
At its heart, yoga offers practitioners a
path to that which is beyond suffering.
Yep. I want that. Sign me up. But how do I do it?
Here’s what I’ve discovered by trying a lot of
stuff out.
You can’t downward dog your way out of
suffering. You can’t feel your way out of suffering. Heck, you can’t even think
your way out of suffering.
But, you can tumble your way to experiencing
your changeless Self.
Let me explain.
Confession: I love rocks. Yes. I love the
process of perusing rivers, fields, beaches, and hills looking for lovely
pieces of stone. I bring them home, wash them off and then place them into
rubber drums with water and grit. Then I set them on a rotating platform that
turns the drum around and around, sloshing rock, grit, and water together for
weeks on end. When I remove them, their rough edges are rounded, their surfaces
polished and gleaming. I can see their inner light and each one is unique.
This is why we practice asana, pranayama, and
meditation. It is Why we teach our bodies to move, our breath to even out, and
our minds to focus.
It’s very logical, much like a baby learning to
first move their hands and legs at will, then to crawl, then to walk.
So in
modern, everyday life and language, here’s what we can do to ease the suffering
caused by unexpected change, or really, life in a human body.
Stay with me. Life is stressful, yes? Even
without major life events like birth, death, illness, or job loss, things in
the West move at a rapid pace. We can access vast swaths of information at the
swipe of a finger, most of which is scary or negative, we are pressured to buy,
possess, achieve, and maintain highly unsustainable items and body shapes. We are
told our planet is on the brink of destruction.
Our limbic system is the portion of our brain
that controls the fight, flight or freeze mechanism(FFFM), as well as being the
gate keeper for the immune system, digestion, hormonal balance, higher
cognitive function, and relationship building.
In an ideal world, the limbic system triggers
the FFFM when there is actual danger, like a car is about to hit you as you
cross an intersection. When you are out of danger, it turns off, you zonk out
for a long rest and let your body repair itself.
The trick is, your brain doesn’t know the
difference between a real car about to smack you and you freaking out about
what you’re going to do if you get fired. It sends the same signals to the
body. Suffice it to say, you don’t need an immune system, diplomatic skills or
great digestion to get away from the Honda, you need to MOVE.
When our brain gets used to life in the fast
lane, it programs the FFFM as its default setting. Which means we get sicker,
less nourished, and dumber.
So, the
number one order of business for easing suffering and navigating change well is
to get the brain out of Fight, Flight or Freeze and into Rest and Digest.
This is where asana and pranayama come in, as
well as retraining the limbic system specifically to calm down. The tumbling
begins.
By
remembering that we are more than the constant change in our bodies and world,
we move into an experience of spaciousness and constancy. We know the forest as
it is, instead of confusing it with a single tree.
It is these moments of space, when we are
watching our bodies breathe or when we are breathless with wonder at the beauty
of our beloved that we touch our infinite selves.
Life in bodies will always shift for the better
or the worse. As yogis, we place our attention and efforts on that which is
timeless and peaceful, on the Observer inside us who watches life.
Do we
still experience emotion, upheaval, questions, and sensations? You bet. The
golden ticket is, we know we are more than that. We hold pleasure and pain
lightly, letting them pass through us without trying to make the good stay
longer and the bad stay away.
And what about death itself?
The more we practice, the deeper our experience becomes of
realizing that the body may pass back into earth, but consciousness is eternal.
Eventually, the masters say, even the fear of death is removed.
Imagine
that.
For me, this not only answers the question of
What is True, it also offers a path to live it. I don’t need life to be without
change or suffering, but I intend to meet it with an open heart and an
alchemist’s eye.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Tobias. Hope all went well.
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