Monkey Mind Meltdown...

The monkey mind is chattering tonite. It's topic of choice, all the paths I could have taken, the people that were close and now flicker in the distance of time and memory. Sometimes, when this mental noise gets stirred, I try to believe I can drown in nostalgia, in the memory of shadows streaking lines across skin that we swore we'd never forget. I try to anchor myself in years and dates, reaching for the weight I imagined existing in 37 years.

Truth? I feel more weightless now than I ever did at 21. Somehow the pinpoints of meaning, coming of age, legal drinking, college graduation, marriage, children, a first novel, became grains of sand in an endless glass.

What is a life? The machine is whirring, processing, running amok. Beneath all the leapings I witness the spin. Have to smile. Remember how long it felt like the bottom of the well. Until the day when I punched through the concrete of thoughts, fickle feelings, and experienced the bottomless depths of my own damn soul. But that is a story for another time.

Tonite, I let my brain whirl for awhile, let it land on the what if's and wherefores before getting up off
this couch and heading to my mat for some deep breathing and yoga. To bring myself back to this day and this moment where time truly is another accessory in this amazing, mysterious life.


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